Safe, fun activites for the mentally unstable

REACTIONS, INSPIRATIONS, MAD PROPS

DrewNoble: that site is pretty cool. but you should include that i told you about mahir. and that i am a genius. and that i am hot.

Random Quote for a Random Individual:
"He is such a needy, sensitive little bitch. he is worse than a lot of women."

"My tang is mysterious... like Jackie Chan."
- Drew Noble (relayed repeatedly by Cameron Porter)

"Your stupid site broke my computer!"
- Drew Noble

What the F is a LLAM?

The most important lesson of this site is that llam rhymes with MOM. Because that's how it got its start. Let me rewind first.

Mrs. May's English class. In order to enrich our steadily deteriorating brains, Mrs. May explains why it is Yamas as opposed to the general pronunciation of lamas. Make sense. If you know any Spanish, you might infer that a double LL makes a sound similar to a Y. And obviously, llamas did not sprout from the ground here in the US. They obviously had to migrate, most likely following their food across the Bering Strait many moons ago. Now we sell them for cheap and pet their soft hair.

Now that we understand our docile friend, the yama, I can truly begin. I love Brandon Stoker. Shout it out to the whole world, in case I haven't reached everyone yet. I love him in the way that only a mother can love him. I think it's obvious and there is no need to explain why he needs a mom like me. I view my son with love, adoration, and a bit of skepticism and disgust. But don't all mothers? Once I began to announce my maternal instincts for Bram, people began to talk.

One such gossipy little bird told Brandon one day that I wanted to be his mom. She made me sound demented and a far cry from the loving, caring, no underlying motive woman I am. I just wanted to help! To love my baby! Yeah. So he confronts me while I'm minding my own business online. He demands to know if I have claimed to desire to be his mom. In my own defense, I shot back with, "Oh no, honey. You must have misheard. I said YYYYAM. I want to be your llam." I'm sure he looked at me like I'd just informed him that I was marrying his dad and he was the main course at our wedding. However, I was far away in my safe home, so I didn't have to watch his reaction. He didn't know what a llam was.

As a Llam, I find it important to teach your babies about the world. So I explained the importance of a Llam. A Llam will protect you. Other lamas can be quite antagonistic and you can easily be outcast if you are too ugly. For fear that my baby Bram would be cast out of the circle, I rushed to his defense. My job as a Llam is to protect and raise Bram.

Brammy fell. Hook. Line. And sinker.

Now I'm his Llam and he's my Bram. And I saw a sweet needlepoint pillow that read, "have you hugged your mom today?" Well, everytime I see my baby, I scream, "Have you hugged your LLAM today? NOOOO! HUG YOUR LLAM!"

Now look me in the eyes and tell me I'm not demented.

9/5/01

Today is the day that I squeezed my baby boy from my Llammy loins and unleashed him upon the unexpecting world. I am so so so sorry. He's really stooopid. I did not realize that until as of late. Too late. Well, believe me, he ain't going back up there again!

Someone once referred to my baby as GONZO because of his nose. Well he certainly didn't get that from my side!

"I'm gonna be hanging at Haley's a lot after I get my wheels."

"Cleaning the camry."

Unfortunately, under all California DMV driving laws and regulations, Bram is legally allowed to cruise the streets.

Ask Bram to show you his Llam gang sign. He yells, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!!!" and Erica lets out a prizewinning wheeze and nearly collapses on the ground. Christina watches in astonishment and utter hilarity at the strange chain of events. Bram claims his demented, two handed 'Y' stands for Llam. Although Llam is spelled with a DOUBLE L, not a Y! Bram's ingenius response? "It's Americanized. Not Mexicanized. Yawm!" That's my boy!

"Last night I wrote a song, actually, it's more like a children's story. It's about midgets."

The Midget Song
One, two, three
My midget and me
Three, four, five
My midget has hives
Five, six, seven
My midget is named Kevin
Seven, eight, nine
Kevin's so FINE
Nine, ten, eleven
All midgets go to Heaven
Eleven, twelve, thirteen
My midget is hurting
Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen
I can't think of anything that ends with -ifteen
The End
- Jack Timberlake Scott

Come On Over - by Christina

Come on over, hop on into our bed
Come on over, hop on into our bed (repeat 2x)

Hey boy, funk me so
Don't you know it's relation time (I wish I were Jesus!)
I've got a friend, her name is Mo
She is where Clint wants to go (She's hot!)

I know, you know,
ELK loves her pillow so
Which one? you ask
It came from bloody ass

To be completed at a later date

You Make Me Stoked (Sick) - ECH & CKT

You make me stoked
I want you and I can't resist
I want to lick the sprinkles off your lips
Feel so high when I touch the tips, I'm feelin this, I gotta get a grip
Wanna cyber wit you to this

Unfinished... inspiration lost

Erica's Turn to Shine:

ThaAikenator: think fast!

Aiken4MyBacon: what?

ThaAikenator: BATTY SONG!

ThaAikenator: NOWWWW

Aiken4MyBacon: yo my name is batty, the logic is erratic

Aiken4MyBacon: potato ina jacket

Aiken4MyBacon: corn in the attic

Aiken4MyBacon: i rock and i ramble

Aiken4MyBacon: my brain is scrambled

ThaAikenator: wait wait wait

ThaAikenator: CORN?

ThaAikenator: ew that's gross!

ThaAikenator: when does he say corn in the attic?

Aiken4MyBacon: something something something but i'm a mammal

ThaAikenator: did you make that part up?

Aiken4MyBacon: no i did not!

Aiken4MyBacon: i'm not done

Aiken4MyBacon: i've been brain fried electrified, something something and injectified

Aiken4MyBacon: my radar is shut up cuz my neck is all cut up

ThaAikenator: is that it?

ThaAikenator: oh

ThaAikenator: i have to get off for a minute

Aiken4MyBacon: nurse, i need a check up from the neck up i'm batty

ThaAikenator: my aim is being retarded

Aiken4MyBacon: argh i'm not done

Aiken4MyBacon: lol

ThaAikenator: look at my hairy gams

ThaAikenator: oh okay

ThaAikenator: hurry!

ThaAikenator: before it shuts down

Aiken4MyBacon: they used and abused it, battered and
bruised me. red wires, green wires, stuck um right through me. something something something, something something something . . . .when dealing with HUMANS

ThaAikenator: WOL!!!!

ThaAikenator: that goes on my site

ThaAikenator: you are so lame

ThaAikenator: you listen to that damn song over and over

ThaAikenator: and you have a dance

Aiken4MyBacon: WOL

ThaAikenator: and you add in perverted lines

ThaAikenator: but you don't know half the words

ThaAikenator: and you think "something" repeated over and
over is a sufficient substitute!

Aiken4MyBacon: I DID NOT

Aiken4MyBacon: well it is!

ThaAikenator: you dont' even bother to get the correct lyrics!

ThaAikenator: you're a loser!

ThaAikenator: and so am i!

Aiken4MyBacon: no, i can't understand him!

ThaAikenator: b/c i always make you recite the song

ThaAikenator: and dance

A Short Dialogue by Christina Tsuyuki

BD: Hurry up, Little Daddy! We're gonna be late!

LD: Wait, wait! I can't find the paintbrush. Help me, Big Daddy!

BD: Darn you, stinky crap turd. Where did you last leave it?

LD: I don't know...

BD: Funk that! There's no time to paint your pants on! Just wear normal pants like a normal person!

Disney gets a wee bit strange...

The Lion King by Aiken4MyBacon (Erica) and ThaAikenator (Christina)

Abe: fun fact
Abe: in the Lion king
Aik: tim carroll!
Abe: where timone and pumbaa are doing the hula and timon says are you aikin for some bacon
Aik: wait wait!
Aik: that's a lie!
Aik: he's a LIAR
Aik: I memorized that movie
Aik: They don't say "are you achin for some bacon!"
Abe: he said they're teasing the hyenas
Aik: they say "are you hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat"
Abe: what?
Abe: LOL
Aik: eat pumbaa here, he's quite a treat (or something)
Aik: something something that's not achin for bacon
Aik: OH WAIT
Aik: he does say it!
Aik: WOL
Abe: oh wait, you're a loser!
Aik: WOL
Aik: shut up
Aik: then he says "all you have to do is get in line!"
Aik: are you aiken?
Aik: pumbaa: yum yum
Aik: for some bacon?
Aik: pumbaa: yum yum
Abe: you are demented!
Aik: he's a big pig
Abe: how do you know this?
Aik: you could be a big pig too
Aik: OI!
Aik: run pumbaa!
Abe: WOL
Abe: ok you're insane
Aik: ok this is the funniest conversation I've had with you today!
Abe: me?
Aik: how many other people are reading this?
Abe: what the hell are you talking about?
Aike: AHHHHH!
Abe: LOL
Aik: malice!
Abe: I'm so lost!
Aik: hostile!
Abe: no I'm not
Aik: antagony!
Abe: back up bitch, you don't even know me
Aik: this is soooo cool!
Abe: LOL
Abe: argh I'm being warned
Aik: ah
Aik: WARN

Erica and Christina's Infinite List of Inside Jokes

"Who the fuck says Dirty pop anyways! DIRTY POP!" Jack Scott

"I like Jurassic Park because I like dinosaurs. And I like dinosaurs because they have big penises." Christina Tsuyuki

"Um yeah, if that happens, Camerons head is going to meet the pavement!" Drew Noble

"No, technically, I have gotten near one. You see, when I was born, I came from the WOMB." Jack Scott

"IM NOT GAY." Cameron Porter

"Boys night out!" Cameron Porter

"When you drink Big Red soda while chewing Big Red gum, you experience similar sensations to having sex with me!" Glenn Friesen

"Cmon dj, play that song! Uh uh! Play that mother fuckin song! So I can get up and shake my cootchie, shake my booty cuz Im a hoochie! Im a ho! Im a ho! Ooooh!" Glenn Friesen as J Lo

"You want a nude dude, go view the boob tube. YOUR NASTY!" Glenn Friesen

Ray Tsuyukis school of female self-defense, specializing in crotch grabbing, Glenn-stopping, rape prevention

Fun facts!

"Larry is a ferry." Inside of Larrys visor

Bills Vegas Showgirl dance performed for Christina on any available night after 2:00 am, complete with a bejeweled, feathered headdress and a gem covered, leather fringed loin cloth and a tomahawk, for the after party.

Erica and Rachelles sick, sexual obsession with Christinas goat.

"Bill and I had a POW WOW last night. If ya know what I mean... and I know you do. He went POW and I went WOW! Hes got quite a totem pole." Christina Tsuyuki on Bills wild frontier

The Butterfly, developed by Drew Noble

Ryan Ellis and Chris Kisers shenanagans in art: Stealing the clay by disclosing the incriminating, mushy evidence in their art folders. Spray painting the halls outside of class. Making giant clay penises for Mrs. Fields childs toy dinosaurs.

"This is not SEX education!" Lizzie Adam

"Mrs. Field. Wheres the damn animals." Chris Kiser (who is obviously and infinitely stoned)

Christian Michele: "Jesus, lamb of God, worthy is Your name!" My All in All
"Jesus CHRISTian Michele!" Christina Tsuyuki, who coined the popular name.
"Crucify me, Jesus!" Erica Hatch (said inside her head, although she denies any such thought).
Jesus and his little disciple always hit the beach and Christina photographs their sandy frolics in the sun.
12:00 Cheers on Jesus lawn
Ericas Plan to Hook Jesus:
1. Pretend to make a leisurely, "exercise" walk past Jesus house (Hey, it worked for Uni!)
2. Upon spotting him with 10 year old children in the park, mosey over to beg a cup of sugar (no, not sugar cane)
3. Take the sweet cup of sugary goodness home and bake a cake in the shape of Jesus Cross
4. Strip down
5. Cover body with the cake
6. Walk over to Jesus house and offer him a piece
7. Conclude with peppy cheers on his lawn at 12:00 with your best friend to discern whether or not he enjoyed the cake
"Excuse me, I have a question about your meat. Um yes, is Christian Michele working today? Could I possibly get his home address and phone number? Im his girlfriend!" Christina Tsuyuki at the Jack in the Box Drive Thru
Jesus' brother returns to college, Jesus truly misses John the Baptist (who, y'know, came before Jesus!)

Fireworks that look like SPERM!

Bonquisha, Bonq Nadal
Bongsheevla and Wehuevola get kicked out of PetsMart when they attempt to interview one of the animal loving employees. They settle for documenting their "Summer of Love" with only one installment of interviewing Glenn (alone in his room with two girls and a video camera?) and Cammie in a fagalicious pink cowboy hat.

Christinas father attempts to bring his video camera into the mens restroom in hopes of making cheap porn in Japan. He is caught by a man with his pants down and he scurries away in mock innocence, only to later return with the video camera on he video tapes the Japanese style toilets.

"This is the shower. See? Its adjustable. Mmm. This is the wall." Ray Tsuyukis 6 hour Japan chronicle commentary

"Na ah! Thas uh maaaannn! Look at tha Adams apple! I knowed uh REAL man when I seen one! And thas uh maaaannn!" Watching Maury Povitch Am I a Man or a Woman? at Drews house

Christinas goal of marrying a Lahr.
Christina has chosen a Lahr. Nathan. Everyone, keep your grubby paws off Nathaniel Daniel Lahr.

Ms. Santos' blue huevo which was rightfully Christina's, but Erica resorted to underhanded deceit and trickery in order to acquire the huevo. It is now in Huevo Heaven, pretending to be a huevo ranchero. Erica Christine Hatch killed my blue huevo in cold blood. Rest In Pieces, my little huevo azul.

"I'm going to go to Hell. I'm going to go to Hell."
- Lizzie Adam
"Honey, you're not going to go to Hell... so just SHUT UP!"
- Erica Hatch being sympathetic and understanding and reassuring

"Bring it! C'mon girlies, show me what you got!"
- Christina Tsuyuki taunting her 4 and 5 year old soccer boys
"I don't got nothing! I didn't do anything!"
- Jacob King, holding his hands out in complete defensive innocense

"Don't like wet your pants, okay?!"
"Do you like have wax in your ears?"
- Nino Dennis in a highpitched voice

"Oooh, Tunnel of Love. It's pink and wet..."
- Sarah Woo

Glenn and Cammie's spontaneous EROTIC performance
(Actually, NOT spontaneous. It looked pretty well-practiced, well-rehearsed to me. Some children say their prayers before they go to bed. Other children hump their squeaky bedposts.)

"Stop humping the bed!"
- Erica Hatch
"You told me to make it squeak!"
- Christina Tsuyuki

"Now don't confuse Kobe with Krobie. Krobie may not be black... but his teeth are!"
- Nathan Lahr

courtesy of nbc.com, with cooperation from Dave Letterman and the Late Show

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From A Gas Station Attendant

10. "Hope you don't mind, I just took a leak in your tank"

9. "You do know there's a guy hiding in your back seat, don't you?"

8. "Sometimes I have the strangest feeling I'm about to burst into flames"

7. "Regular, premium, or ranch flavor?"

6. "You know, if a guy breathes enough fumes, someone like you starts to look pretty good"

5. "The soda machine was on the fritz today -- I had to drink a quart of Quaker State with my lunch"

4. "Does this uniform make me look pretty?"

3. "This is my car! You stole my car!"

2. "I'll check under your hood if you check under my belt"

1. "Want to make out in the back seat?"

A Disturbing Exchange Between Bram and Christina & Erica

Bram: Hello
I was responding to your away message
Your the sick one
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa

Us: Ok, listen here you little plastic cupcake eating turd, I can't help it if I'm in love with you!
hehehehe I'm just kidding!!!

Bram: I hope so

Us: I just can't stop thinking about you!

Bram: Well u need help then
j/k

Us: You are always on my mind!

Bram: Well take me off!

Us: So you are admitting that I need help if I'm in love with you???
Take me off? Like clothing??
Yummy!

Bram: I'm sorry
That I'm a chick magnet

Us: A big hunk of man candy is more like it

Bram: And I'm not fat! {note from the editor: What the HELL?}

Us: Who said you were fat?
Listen to me you mother funker, if you spread any lies about me wanting to have cyber sex with you, you little pervert, then I will come and kick the candy out of your ass!!! {after a mutual acquaintance informed us that Bram had IMed him and claimed we were enticing him with offers of "cybering", liar!}

Bram: I'm messin wit u

Us: Please!!!! You probably don't even know what cybering is like anyways!
I saw you wrestling with Greg today at lunch.
What were you fighting over??? Was it love fighting???

Bram: What????
WHAT?????

Us: I saw you wrestling with Greg today!!!!!

Bram: When where???????

Us: What part of that don't you understand??
At lunch, by the snack bar!!!
At our school, remember, St. Joes?????
HELLOOOO!!!! I SAW YOU!

Bram: Ohh pushing each other

Us: We're having an all night Bram dance fest! We're busting a move to your fav rap songs like Ms. Jackson!
Do you know Mr. Krob??
I love him, he's my idol!

Bram: Oooo that guy is a fag!

Damn. I'm really upset at my scatterbrained ways. I take impeccible notes in Civics class, taught by Mr. Dave Siminski with the giant belt buckles. I also jot every demented, funny thing he says. I seem to have misplaced the original list (with the choicest sayings), but I do have a few salvaged here.

SIMINSKISMS from Santa Maria's hottest Male Cheerleader

"I don't like your decorating of your house, your landscaping... it's ugly! I'll sue you!"

"You don't like somebody, invite them on a cruise to Hawaii!"

"5 - Lost fight... 1 - I dated his mother and LIKED her."

"The 'Men's Colony', sounds more like a Country Club!"