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Big Adam:
This hunk of meat is so BIG that I can't possibly fit the entire saga of our intrigues into one short paragraph. A brief synopsis: Big Adam is the albino waiter who works at Applebees, tries to serve us alcoholic beverages, and has a black baby out of wedlock. He rubs his titties, loiters at our table, and Christina proclaims she wants to have his second baby. Big Adam later responds by smiling a seductive, secretive smile, as if to say, "I'm wearing your THONG right now," and promises to call for sex, now that he knows it's legal. Never again. Let me repeat, never again.
Brandon Stoker:
Alias - Bram, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Brandy my Candy
I met Bram through a mutual friend and love just sprung from our connected souls. Erica was the first to see the beauty of his brawn and turned my attention to his unbelievable sex appeal. After years of torture, loneliness, and continuous stupidity, we entered Bram's life, haunting him forever with our love. Songs written for him, songs dedicated to him, wrestling, cupcakes, rapping, the like. Too much to say, my heart is too full. Check for the Real Bram Stoker Story in my Dementia page.
Charlie Sheaff:
The cutest freshman on the block. His long, lengthy figure spans over 6 feet and his weight expands a gregarious 64.2 pounds. His eyes are bright blue and his mouth often hangs open to reveal his crooked, braces-clad teeth. He walks the halls with the airs of a man who knows he is wanted, needed, desired or thinks the next person who walks by just might attack him. He plays volleyball and Christina can't help but cheer her lungs out for this beauty of a boy. Erica purposely took a job at the local Catholic Church rectally so she could monitor/stalk Charlie's movement from the car to the Church and back again, every week. She shares the notes she jots down each Sunday or Saturday night, she posts the pictures on her bedroom wall, she plays the video tape of his 1 minute walk, and we giggle over him at sleepovers.
Tim Carroll:
I almost forgot this tasty man treat! He's quite a large slice of yummy man meat! In football, he pees and won't take defeat. He sweaty, he's large, he's deliciously sweet. In the closet of love, Tim cannot be beat. With his cousin, Jack Scott, riding high in the sky, the woo the hearts of young women with the blink of an eye. Tim Carroll, I love you. I love you because of your faggoty blue Mustang which you habitually lose. I love you because you are the Supersize to Jack Scott's Happy Meal, you are the King Size to Jack Scott's fun size, you are the peaches to Jack Scott's cream. I also love when you protect me and offer me up as a sacrifice for hot sex and I love it when we coincidentally wear twin shirts in the same size! And you are sooo sexy when you bring the carts in at Albertsons. Sigh...
Here are some people I am really in love with!
1. Mr. Noe:
He brightens up my day! I get to kick off my morning with his class and I always walk in to a sweet little love song playing on his stereo. He loves his children and is so dedicated to his family. I love his children! He always passes around pictures of them and gets all teary-eyed. He has this big, cute smile and he is SO CUTE! I am in love with him!
2. Mr. Siminski:
Mr. Siminski is so cute! He has this giant, whiskery beard which makes him look like a shy, busy little beaver. He wears big glasses, circa the eighties. He also wears a large, very kinky, I mean, ROUGH belt buckle with his name inscribed on it! I love watching him cheer on his fellow faculty members at the teachers vs. students volleyball game, shaking his pom poms and chanting "We will, we will FLUNK YOU!"
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