|
Glenn I
Stage Names:
1. Glennith
2. Boobilicious
3. Glenny
4. BGF (Big Gay Friesen, Big Glenn Friesen, Big Glenn Fag, Big Gay Fag)
5. Damon the Flamingo
6. Miller St. of RR Crossing
7. Pleasin Friesen
8. Mr. Freeze
9. Christina and Erica's little sex slave
10. Glamorous Glennis, Glam Glenn
Interests:
Glenn I plays football and receives very little recognition for the amazing role he plays on the field. Without Glenn I, the little guys like Brian and Dustin would not be able to run the winning touchdown. It is Glenn I's hard work, big body mass, and secret chokehold that makes St. Joseph's scoring (although not often or effective) possible.
Glenn I likes to rap and likes to play with his boobies. He's also interested in becoming an artist some day, either as a popular club DJ, a member of a freestylin team, or a tattoo artist specializing in fallic fruits.
Glenn I is often identified as the ringmaster of our science (Chemistry and now, Physics) circus, meaning that all the action goes down in his tent. He is well known around the campus as a scorchingly hot slice of man meat and a very nice guy overall. Glenn I is quite the ladies man.
Glenn I neglects to do his homework, but he spends his time on worthier pursuits. He studies anything that interests him, including wave patterns.
Glenn I's Claim to Fame:
"I once was alone in my bedroom with two girls and a video camera."
Glenn II
There isn't a whole lot to say about Glenn II. He is demented. He is not very nice. He hates my guts... so I suppose that makes him smart also. He also hates Glenn I. He is also known as Jeff, more so than Glenn II, but for our purposes, he is GLENN II. Glenn II plays football. Glenn II has a best friend who looks like Alex Abela II. Frighteningly uncanny... Glenn II also likes to play with his boobies. Although he denies it, Glenn II wants nothing more than to be as loved as his idol, Glenn I. Sorry, Glenn II, but Glenn I cannot be recreated or emulated.
Glenn II posts an internet threat. Head for the hills, he's on his period!
JEFF'S BIRTHDAY IS ON THE SECOND OF OCTOBER. HE WANTS PRESENTS AND/OR MONEY. YOU SHOWING UP IS FINE, BUT IT IS NOT THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS, YOU BASTARDS. I HAD BETTER SEE SOME REIMBURSEMENT FOR BEING YOUR FRIEND, YOU LOLLYGAGGERS. ANY EXCUSE POSSIBLE IS INVALID, EVEN A VAGABOND CAN COME UP WITH 20 DOLLARS IN 28 DAYS, YOU VAGRANTS. THIS MEANS YOU, RYAN. Selections from Glenn I:
Chris: Guess what?
Glenn I: What?
C: Krob might be a teacher at our school and teach Advanced Placement Sex Education
C: Lots of hands on labs
GI: Yes!
GI: I can't wait!
C: Erica and I want some extra credit... if you know what I mean!
C: Will you be in it also?
GI: I do... believe me, I do.
GI: If I can... I want some "show and tell"
GI: Just kidding... but maybe I could be his TA
C: You mean TnA
GI: Yes, that's right. And so I can "grade and assess and access assignments" of his
GI: Seriously, I think I would be telling him how to teach. He doesn't look that educated in the subject...
GI: Yum
GI: actually... nasty
GI: very nasty
GI: I don't want to be incorporated with anything KROB
GI: I have KrobPhobia
***********************************************************
Excerpts from Glenn II:
ThaAikenator: did you know that you have 206 bones in your body?
Redmanthatdid: hmm...
ThaAikenator: i'm going to be a major in human anatomy
ThaAikenator: well...
ThaAikenator: i know this is weird
Redmanthatdid: i can't say that i know that, and neither
can you, if we go by locke's theory
ThaAikenator: but how would you like to have 207?
Redmanthatdid: that to know something we must experience it
Redmanthatdid: and to experience it you would have to in fact see all 206
Redmanthatdid: i have had 207
ThaAikenator: WHAT?
Redmanthatdid: when my friends get drunk
ThaAikenator: WHAT?
Redmanthatdid: they are uncontrollable
Redmanthatdid: i just "go with the flow"
ThaAikenator: WHAT?
Redmanthatdid: that was a slight joke
ThaAikenator: glenn?
Redmanthatdid: how i loathe him
ThaAikenator: so you loathe glenn I
ThaAikenator: and that's supposed to be obvious
Redmanthatdid: hmm...
ThaAikenator: well lots of imitators loathe the prototype
ThaAikenator: i suppose that's why you loathe glenn I
ThaAikenator: ever pet a crab?
Redmanthatdid: can't say that i have, but i can't say that i haven't
ThaAikenator: did you know that you can effectively get rid of genital crabs with regular pesticides like raid?
Redmanthatdid: one of those "they made you pet a crab in your sleep" inccidents could have occured without my consent
Redmanthatdid: i shall be sure to remember that when i order the hookers
ThaAikenator: that's just a little heads up for you... in case you find yourself in a painful situation, such as a crab with a death grip on your balls
Redmanthatdid: i have had something similar
Redmanthatdid: and it was bad stuff
Redmanthatdid: bad stuff
Redmanthatdid: i squirm now even recollecting the event
ThaAikenator: someone has had a death grip on your balls?
ThaAikenator: like when your friends get drunk and uh cornhole you?
Redmanthatdid: i wish
Redmanthatdid: now, that is for my own enjoyment
Redmanthatdid: i get to play the "bitch"
Redmanthatdid: they say if i do well, i am upgraded to the "big bitch"
Redmanthatdid: at which point i am given benifits
ThaAikenator: like dental care?
Redmanthatdid: health, dental, life insurance
ThaAikenator: WOL
Redmanthatdid: wow
Redmanthatdid: that was too cool
ThaAikenator: do you get bonuses?
Redmanthatdid: christmas, only
ThaAikenator: ahhhh
Redmanthatdid: but i don't celebrate it
ThaAikenator: lucky you
ThaAikenator: why?
ThaAikenator: b/c you can't sit down?
Redmanthatdid: well...
Redmanthatdid: hmm...
Redmanthatdid: you are clever
Redmanthatdid: i like
Redmanthatdid: no, i am jewish
FACE OFF!
GLENN I vs. GLENN II!
*When Erica says "Glenn!", Glenn I runs away, shouting "Oh no!"
*When Erica says "Glenn!", Glenn II runs after her and Erica yells, "Oh no! Get away!"
*Glenn I is a very jolly big boy.
*Glenn II is antagonistic and easily angered. He's also a big bitch... really.
*Glenn I wears a DD cup.
*Glenn II is still in the training bra area, straining to fill a AA.
*Glenn I likes Asian girls.
*Glenn II does not like Asian girls at all.
*Glenn I is realistic and realizes that it is impossible to fall in love with someone online and expect them to move in with him and do his laundry, the cleaning, and the dishes.
*Glenn II is unrealistic and believes he is in love with Erica and that she will move in with him soon to do his laundry, his cleaning, and his dishes.
*Christina can't keep her hands off Glenn I's bitchin rack.
*Christina can't keep her fists off Glenn II's ugly face.
This little exchange was much too tasty to keep to myself.
G0dDeSs 0O7: well i'm kidding
G0dDeSs 0O7: my gua-te-mal-e-ness
Aiken4MyBacon: i'd rather talk about you and Glenn's weenie LOL
G0dDeSs 0O7: my natural heat
G0dDeSs 0O7: EW
G0dDeSs 0O7: that i supeanied
G0dDeSs 0O7: i dont' know how to spell that
G0dDeSs 0O7: oh gosh
G0dDeSs 0O7: i forgot to tell you this!
Aiken4MyBacon: what?
G0dDeSs 0O7: i was going to during the tape, but we were listening and i forgot
G0dDeSs 0O7: glenn said that he would love to be felt up by an elderly woman
Aiken4MyBacon: WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT??
Aiken4MyBacon: like your grandma????/
G0dDeSs 0O7: yup
G0dDeSs 0O7: uh
G0dDeSs 0O7: shall i explain?
G0dDeSs 0O7: to give you a handle on the situation
Aiken4MyBacon: oooouch
Aiken4MyBacon: yes please
G0dDeSs 0O7: i got out of the car and an older gentleman (like 35) wolf whistled at me
G0dDeSs 0O7: and i got back in the car and said, "i hate being a woman!"
G0dDeSs 0O7: and glenn asked why
G0dDeSs 0O7: and i told him, "how would you like it if some woman the age of your mother wolf whistled at you?"
G0dDeSs 0O7: he said, "well, i would find it to be a great compliment!"
G0dDeSs 0O7: i said, "but what if they were leering it at you? like staring at your weiner or telling you you had a nice butt?"
G0dDeSs 0O7: he's like, "that would be much appreciated!"
Aiken4MyBacon: WOL
Aiken4MyBacon: WOL WOL
G0dDeSs 0O7: i said, "well what if they tried to make a grab at your stuff? like tried to feel you up?"
G0dDeSs 0O7: he said, "oh. i would definitely like that!"
Aiken4MyBacon: WOL WOL WOL WOL WOL
G0dDeSs 0O7: "well, what if they were like 80? and there were 2 or more of them? how would you get out of that?"
G0dDeSs 0O7: he said...
G0dDeSs 0O7: "OH I WOULD LIKE THAT! b/c it's just some worldly women saying that they enjoyed your masculine physique, they admire my body! what's not to like? i would simply remove their hands from my package and tell them that it's not for show and tell. and that maybe in 10 years or so, i would enjoy hooking up with them. then i would hand them all my phone number and instruct them to call in 10 years. and then when they do, i would have sex with them and take all their money!!!"
G0dDeSs 0O7: um yeah
Aiken4MyBacon: SICK SICK SICK SICK
Aiken4MyBacon: Glenn having sex with your grandma???
Aiken4MyBacon: WOL
Aiken4MyBacon: oooouch i'm hurting
G0dDeSs 0O7: not MY grandma!
G0dDeSs 0O7: A grandma!
G0dDeSs 0O7: sorry!
G0dDeSs 0O7: don't kill the messanger
G0dDeSs 0O7: supeona my weena
Aiken4MyBacon: WOL
This is an excerpt from a lovely little afro-equipped, chubby midget with a chubby... yeah, from HIS webpage. Glen III is not this individual, he's his best friend! More on Glen III (with ONE n) to come!
"this is glen, hes a great guy, he likes to make cool pics! he likes to play gutar, sometimes surf and loves football, he was our schools all-time player for RHS. played for varsity.
me and him jam all the time and we both would like to start a punkrock band sometime.glen is very interested in engineering and is good at that work. hes the one that fixes our sterios in our cars when they don't work."
My Encounter with Glen III:
Until just a few days ago, I didn't realize that I have tasted and experienced Glen III. My encounter with him left me scarred as seriously as a bad burn victim and I imagine that is why I erased it from my memory bank as soon as possible. Unfortunately, with the appearance of the picture on a fellow individual's website, my memory was jogged. Ugh. Brain cramp!
On a trip to the local skate park, I met up with Glen III. He is very large, but not tall, just large. He smells like a sweet sweet rose... provided a rose smells similar to shit. His body and face is encased in acne (and although that's not a bad thing or in his control, it's not enjoyable for the public to watch him pick at them in public). But the quality which sets him apart from the unrivaled quality of Glenn I is the creepy way he looks at you. And now, a monologue of Glen III's thought process as he converses with me:
"Ooooh. A girl! SCORE! hehe Hmmm... I'm touching her arm. She isn't saying anything! I'm touching her arm and she isn't saying anything! She didn't knee me in the nuts! I'm on my way to getting laid. Ohhh and I I I I can see her bra! Omigoodness! It is black! SCORE! I'm going to score. Yes! This x-ray vision I have is awesome. heh heh. Now I can zero in on her boobs and oh boy. Now I'm all excited. Boobs! I'm going to get laid tonight! haha, that will show damn Tim Carroll and his stupid janitorial escapades that he always brags about in the showers! I will no longer have to be a spectator after tonight... I'm gonna be a participator!"
Sick nasty.
Glenn I and Glen III reminisce...
Many moons ago, when Glenn I and Glen III had yet to graduate elementary school, they squared off at a mutual friend's house. This boy was having a birthday sleepover, ahem, I mean, over night war game and both Glen(n)s were invited. Glenn I and Glen III decided to join the festivities on the trampoline and climbed on. Someone suggested boxing as a fun activity. Glenn I, being the smart, hot cookie that he is, immediately proposed pre-cautionary guidelines. His number one rule was: "No hitting below the belt... ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE A BONER!" Hmmm... The fighting began to heat up and in his aggressive fighting flurry, Glenn I busted out some judo-shit on Glen III and broke Glen III's glasses! Glen III scurried off the trampoline, nearly in tears. Glenn I tried to remedy the hurt feelings, but all was lost, especially Glenn I. To lighten up the mood, all the boys scampered inside to watch some porn. THE END. 
|
